Spirituality: I found mine. I was brought up Episcopalian in my mom’s home and Mormon in my dad’s. They divorced when I was three and my dad moved to AZ when I was five so it was nine months Episcopal and three months Mormon. I obviously liked being an Episcopalian better because I could wear spaghetti string tank tops, bikinis, drink iced tea and go to the store on Sunday without feeling like I was going to hell. There was a certain innocence about my Mormon friends growing up that I really loved though. And I loved my tiny Book of Mormon that had my name on it. I would have my friends find the scripture we were on because I could never keep up. At eight I was asked to be baptized in the LDS church. I didn’t do it for whatever reason. I have been told different reasons why by both sides. I was confirmed in the Episcopal church in my teens. I remember thinking it was cool because my sister did it a few years earlier and a few of my friends were doing it as well. Plus I got a fancy Book of Common Prayer and a King James Version of the Bible that gave you laymen terms on what the bible was actually saying. My dad told me at one time that I didn’t need that version because the spirit would talk to me through the Book of Mormon and explain it all to me. As much as I tried, I could not hear that spirit or decipher what the heck this book was trying to get across to me. That went for the King James Version as well for that matter. Once again I just kept it on my nightstand because that is what my sister did. So after confirmation, we went to the occasional Sunday service and Mid-Night Mass with my mom. My mom would nudge my sister and I when the Lords Prayer was coming up. She knew that we knew it and she wanted to hear us belt it out. In the summer when we went to Arizona we would go to the LDS church every Sunday. It was tough because I felt like an outsider no matter how hard my stepmom and dad tried to hook me up with friends. I liked wearing what I wanted to wear. I liked doing stuff on Sundays. And we weren’t allowed to. A little piece of me liked that I was slightly rebellious in the LDS crowd because I was always a “goodie goodie” in Sheridan and I craved that bad girl feeling. My spirituality became more faith based than bible, Jesus and the Holy Father. I knew there was something but I just didn’t want to take the time to do the research and figure out what exactly I wanted to believe. Right around this time my sister tried to commit suicide. It was at this point where my belief became, “God” will never give me anything, I can’t handle. I had to be there for my sister so I had no time to sulk or be sad about what had happened. I had to get tough. I had to be ok for my parents. It was time to peace keep. I can see how warped thinking that was now but at the time it was survival and real. And there was no way I was going to feel any real feelings and look weak. This way of thinking continued for the next 12 years…until I found MY spirituality. When I was in treatment, there was a group called spirituality. I was telling our counselor I have a strong faith and I know there is something out there but for some reason there is some kind of blockage. She gave me one thing to do. She said “Every night when you are saying your prayers, ask “him” to say your name. I thought she was crazy but I was down and open to try it. So I did and it worked. I didn’t hear anything say my name but that wall broke down and an amazingly awesome peace came over me. All my struggles weren’t too large for me to tackle. I started to be good enough. The control I was holding on to became apparent and I was able to start to let it go. I also stopped saying “Heavenly Father” and started saying “God.” I was still working through some issues with my dad. I thought why in the heck would I pray to a heavenly father when my father on earth isn’t doing me any justice. Either way, it made talking to my higher power simplier. I still don’t know exactly who or what my God is but I don’t worry about it because it works for me. I don’t need the background or the history or the facts that surround what may or may not be the truth behind religion. Religion to me is a great foundation for people to find their spirituality. Whatever works as long as the simplicity stays in tact. Yoga is my church. This is where I sit, pray, meditate and give thanks for the things that I have been given. The lessons I have been able to learn and the fantastic gifts that I am able to pass on from my experiences. Who knows where or what my spirituality will evolve into next or if it will stay right where it is at…all I do know is that I couldn’t be happier that I found my peace.